Fear of change

*apologies up front to anyone who suffers from sidonglobophobia

Fear of change or the unknown just seems so silly. How can you be scared of something when you can't possibly know what is going to happen? Yet when it hits you it feels pretty real. 

I got a big dose last week when I sold my car. Sounds like a little thing but it’s the first step in a big change that is coming. At the end of June I’m taking a career break to go travelling around Australia. I sold my car because I won’t need one for a while and I need the money.

While driving my car for the last time my little monkey mind went into over drive doing flips of the 'what if's'...

What if I never have enough money to buy a car again?

What if I get sick of looking at big rocks and waterfalls?

What if I miss my warm, soft, comfy bed?

What if I get eaten by a croc?

What if I hate it?

What if, what if, what if?????

My mother once told me I've always had a fear of the unknown. She recently recalled when we used to go to the video shop on a Friday night I'd always choose movies I've seen before. When asked 'why do you want to see Annie again? You've seen it 100 times?' I'd always say 'but I know I like this one'. 

There are a whole lot of fears and phobias that make sense to me - like coulrophobia, the fear of clowns. I've see Poltergeist and Stephen King's IT. Clowns are f**king scary! Metrophobia, the fear of poetry - cause by high school English teachers - I totally get this one. 

And even sidonglobophobia - fear of cotton wool balls (and anything that resembles a cotton wool ball), I witnessed this one first hand while wearing a bunny costume with a fuzzy tail. I don’t really understand it but I do find it hilarious.

Fear of change or the unknown is not a recognised phobia - maybe because it’s too common. I guess we are creatures of habit - of safety and security and familiarity. Change seems scary because you don’t know what is going to happen next.

With my mind in a spin it didn't occur to me to ask myself:  

What if it's awesome?

What if I never want to work again?

What if I don't ever want to come home?  

Which are all far more likely… except missing my bed.

This week I will Walk In Her Shoes

Who is Her? The millions of women and girls living in extreme poverty in developing countries who walk for hours every day for essentials like water, food and firewood. Girls like Sopheap, and women like Ang (pictured below). The thousands of steps women and girls walk every day prevents them from taking steps that will help lift them out of poverty - like working to earn an income or going to school and getting an education.

Ang from rural Laos walks on average 44 kms a day to provide for her family. Photo: CARE Australia 

Tomorrow morning I will clip on a pedometer and aim to walk at least 10,000 steps (about 6-7 km) throughout the day. I will do it every day this week while hounding my friends and family to donate to CARE Australia through my fundraising page. I've had my pedometer on over the weekend to see how far I walk in a normal day and what I will need to do to make my 10,000. The last two days I managed about 7,000 steps per day. I need to step it up.

10,000 steps a day barely mirrors the reality of the the women and girls I'm walking for.  I walk for exercise - to get myself of my squishy couch watching the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy. I walk a few steps to the kitchen for clean water, to a fridge full of food and a stove to cook it or to grab my slippers and a jumper when I'm cold. Sometimes I walk to work - but not if it's raining. I get to choose when I walk.

Come rain or shine this week I will make my 10,000 steps but when I'm out pounding the pavement I'll be listening to music, admiring the outdoors, and avoiding cars and dog poo. I won't be carrying water on my head or firewood in a basket on my back. My family will not be depending on me to bring food from the farm. But I will take my 10,000 steps a day as consciously as I can with gratitude for how easy my life is.

The campaign aims to raise $1.2 million to support CARE projects that remove the burden of walking like providing clean water close to homes. I'm hoping to contribute $1000 through my fundraising.

Find out more about the Walk In Her Shoes challenge and CARE Australia.