Fear of change

*apologies up front to anyone who suffers from sidonglobophobia

Fear of change or the unknown just seems so silly. How can you be scared of something when you can't possibly know what is going to happen? Yet when it hits you it feels pretty real. 

I got a big dose last week when I sold my car. Sounds like a little thing but it’s the first step in a big change that is coming. At the end of June I’m taking a career break to go travelling around Australia. I sold my car because I won’t need one for a while and I need the money.

While driving my car for the last time my little monkey mind went into over drive doing flips of the 'what if's'...

What if I never have enough money to buy a car again?

What if I get sick of looking at big rocks and waterfalls?

What if I miss my warm, soft, comfy bed?

What if I get eaten by a croc?

What if I hate it?

What if, what if, what if?????

My mother once told me I've always had a fear of the unknown. She recently recalled when we used to go to the video shop on a Friday night I'd always choose movies I've seen before. When asked 'why do you want to see Annie again? You've seen it 100 times?' I'd always say 'but I know I like this one'. 

There are a whole lot of fears and phobias that make sense to me - like coulrophobia, the fear of clowns. I've see Poltergeist and Stephen King's IT. Clowns are f**king scary! Metrophobia, the fear of poetry - cause by high school English teachers - I totally get this one. 

And even sidonglobophobia - fear of cotton wool balls (and anything that resembles a cotton wool ball), I witnessed this one first hand while wearing a bunny costume with a fuzzy tail. I don’t really understand it but I do find it hilarious.

Fear of change or the unknown is not a recognised phobia - maybe because it’s too common. I guess we are creatures of habit - of safety and security and familiarity. Change seems scary because you don’t know what is going to happen next.

With my mind in a spin it didn't occur to me to ask myself:  

What if it's awesome?

What if I never want to work again?

What if I don't ever want to come home?  

Which are all far more likely… except missing my bed.